bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize