Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
