What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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