I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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