My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
