you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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