after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
