Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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