Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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