She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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