This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
