Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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