im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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