therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
