this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
