Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize