I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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