Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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