It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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