why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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