yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
