I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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