Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
