PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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