i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
