who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
