I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
