Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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