I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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