I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
