Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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