genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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