Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
