I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Alive.
So much puke
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
