after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
