Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
id be glad to
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
