My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
