i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
