need another drink. this is the easiest way
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
