I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
