Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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