Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
