Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
