I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
