The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize