Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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