A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
