I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
