I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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