so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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