you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Ā¯ and "Why tacos?"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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