I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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