Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
