Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
