Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i already hear my dad disowning me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
