I must be too annoying 4 u.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
