Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
