Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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