Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
