Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
