im about as happy as oj after his trial
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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