Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
