Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
do herpes really smell.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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