Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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