i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
