Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
