Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
