Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
