the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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