Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
