bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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