I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
