I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize