i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
