I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
