dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
