everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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