You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
