You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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