I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
