Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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