Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
