Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
