Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
