you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
